Paulimerization!

I never planned this day to be awesome.

As a matter of fact, I left home late because I still had to find myself a temporary bag and to search fr things I thought would be necessary. That’s how unprepared I was.But I didn’t really need to be prepared, actually. I just had to be, well fine I give up, I really had to be prepared.

Rainfall was expected but I had no umbrella. I didn’t even have to say I got wet. Of all the things that should be running, why did it have to be my nose?

I had a lot to tell. The fact that my first two classes went to be free-cuts, I wonder what’s it like to be a prof who wouldn’t make an appearance on first days. The silent shame I get from Physics. The mysterious Math prof, well I’m still not sure if he’s really terror (as what I’ve heard) but he looked okay to me, though his surname Sinco sure is disturbing.

I’ll have a new day tomorrow. And I need a lot of sleep tonight. No one could best tell me “Good luck, you can d it!” than myself.

“Para kang Physics 71. Bagsak na bagsak na nga ako sa’yo, wala pa rin akong pag-asa…”

I made this my facebook status three weeks ago, if I remember correctly. Well, this post is not about some cheesy confession as it could imply. This is about the subject I’ve put in this analogy.

I don’t know what my problem with Physics is. Or what its problem with me is. Back in high school, my Physics teacher was the one I considered the best in terms of the way one teaches a field of knowledge, and I enjoyed it. I didn’t quite make to put good marks on it, but I honestly don’t consider the subject difficult, unlike how I dread Chemistry.

And this semester, I just have to tell you, was a punch to kick me back in reality. I had math and physics and chemistry, all at the same semester. Not to mention my creative writing course, in which I’ve put the greatest effort. But those three big subjects had supposed to get all the brain cells up there to be tangled. But they never did. Why? Not because I did not find them hard enough, not because these subjects were too easy that tagging them as difficult was impossible. It’s all because that I’ve been too carefree. I’ve not held the rope tight. I lost it.

Maybe it was cause-and-effect. My first semester in UP, I had not been a good student. This blog has been a real witness on how often I’ve cut my classes, and all that. But by the end of it, I managed to get a good GWA, not exceptionally high, but it was okay, though. Then I thought, if I’ve put less than half of my best but I still got grades that were alright, then does that mean that I can still do it? And that’s where my realization brought me. By the second sem I tried to do better, but because I’ve had the past experience, I’ve been too relaxed, to the point that I keep forgetting that I have to exert effort. (But I realized too that if I had given my best in the past then I sure must have gotten better marks)

And this is the point. Let’s start with Chemistry. I had been quite okay in the lab performances. Though I failed the second long exam, and some quizzes, my other papers had been high and in control. And so after I took the finals, I was mildly surprised to get my final grade. (Let’s not ruin this post by making me type digits here)

Math 53, they say, was the hardest of the math series in UP. But I took the subject as a break from the stress of the day. I enjoyed it. I study only a day after the exam. Once, I remember, on the morning of the exam day, I crammed and in a matter of a few hours I self-learned how to integrate. Yes, I used to self-learn because I just don’t get myself to listen intently on classes. I had the best prof, yes, and that’s the very reason why I did not take the subject seriously. He was treating us too kindly. And so with the least effort I can manage, I am really pleased to get my final grade from that. (Just so you know, my grade here is even better than that with Chem. I even wonder why.)

Lastly, Physics. I considered the subject too easy. I passed the first exam without much reviewing, so I thought I could do it successively. But when things start going down, and the mess grew bigger and bigger, I told myself I would work harder. But I am so not a man of my words so the next thing I knew was that I had to really hop high, get a high score in the finals so I could pass it. I’ve buried myself for days, studying. Fast forward a little, and there, I didn’t make it. But at least I got the chance to get a removal exam for the course. And so when everyone around me had been starting their summer shits, there I was, studying and praying for the good of everything. I had the exam taken the last day, and I am still waiting for the results.

—-

So, definitely, I learned my lesson. I gathered enough experiences as early as now. There’s no need to bang my head on the wall because I am already awake. Awake of the fact that with less effort comes less good results. And with the highest of the efforts comes the greatest rewards.

And that’s what I confess. I had been a bad ass this first year. But you know what’s great? I am so full of determination to prove my worth next year. I just hope the odds will go in my favor.

I felt like I was a grocery bag exaggeratedly loaded with goods that I could not possibly carry. I am blowing up.

By Friday (March 16) the tension from the strings of all my subjects was supposed to be loosening up already. Only it did not go the way I expected. Not to my surprise but it was the total opposite. My schedule’s messed up, and I decided to skip Physics for me to unwind. Technically I did not cut my class; I just went into a different room to sit in.

Saturday’s plans ruined my mindset because the whole plan to which I was prepared was cancelled and so I spent a fourth of the day reviewing for exams, and the rest for rest.

By Sunday, I had to be up early because I had to be in Sta. Rosa, Laguna for a christening event. That would be my fourth time to be a godparent. I attended the baptismal with my brother (now this is actually interesting because the priest was totally remarkable for he was in total fury with his principles, about how parents should be aware on how to be a proper Catholic and stuffs, but he went over the fence on explaining and I personally think that he had a point, but he was nuts to take it out in front of the altar,  but anyway…). We had a really satisfying lunch at Max’s, got to do short talks with our cousins, went home by early afternoon, went by the Festival Mall, had to buy my costumes for the next day, and study a bit before the day ends.

Monday morning, I was early in CHK for the Street Indakan, the event where all the PE dance classes perform for an audience. It was actually convenient for me that only 9 of us in Jazz made an appearance, but it was not completely comfortable because by the end of our dance, I was only wearing an unbuttoned black vest. But I breathed out, because finally the stress that this PE class had brought in me was finally over! But the day isn’t, yet. I hurried off to Physics for our third long exam. I failed to bring an extra shirt so I took the exam wearing my sleeveless plain costume. And then I got a call… I was told that I was needed for the final shoot for the film that I was in, but I know I haven’t shared even a bit of it here so I couldn’t share so much. It was totally tiring, and fun, and I got home minutes before midnight.

Tuesday was blank. I spent the whole day with the laptop. I seriously took no time to pause even for a break. And by late afternoon, I already felt the clouding sight, and I needed to turn the fan off because I was feeling so cold. When I decided to sleep, I felt my skin so hot. I was dizzy and my head was aching.

There, I was in high temperature again.

Wednesday was the last official day of class, and this day I only had one subject left to go: Creative Writing. I sent a message to my professor that I wouldn’t be able to attend our class because I was sick and I really couldn’t go. I knew it was my entire fault, but I was just too sick to be sick!

By Thursday morning I knew I was better. I spent the day going through my Math 53 notes. I was better but I was still suffering from the upshots of the fever and colds.

Friday was Math finals day. My prof was perfect, and I wouldn’t ever forget him, or her? I had to go by my CW prof’s office as we were told. We had to tally our exercises, so we stayed by the FC hallway. I’ve never gone really close with those people but I should say that that afternoon was different. Hours passed and we stayed dumped on the floor, talking and laughing. It was actually funny to see us getting really close just when the semester’s about to end. But it’s better late than never, wasn’t it? By late afternoon I’ve met up with my Astrosoc buddy and we got to Trinoma together to watch The Hunger Games! At least, the week ended quite happily unlike how it began.

March is now in its mid-way but I feel like I’m still floating to the hell of my worst weeks in UP.

This Monday I had two exams. Hard to admit, but I had no proper time to study even a bit. So all I got was the one-hour fast-paced scanning of hand-outs and then I was off to my exam room. My appetite to pass that last one for Chem has long been gone since the moment I learned that I failed the second one. And so, I trusted everything to luck. As to the Physics Lab written examination, I prayed to all the gods and goddesses of guessing that they bless me their fullest powers.

Tuesday was a minor break. I had a great time with my Modern Jazz class because I realized I won’t be dancing for the next months to come.

A happy day was brought to me by Wednesday, when our friend Nelice (from UPM) went to the campus and enjoyed sitting in to our various classes. My group in CW did our last discussion for the class, and again, for the third time, I never spoke anything. But it was a stress-free day, looking back.

Thursday was extra vigorous! No formal PE class and I managed to even attend Physics class (but I seated in another room) before I went back to Taguig to get the cash for my city’s educational assistance. Fifteen K baby! Good times with Bridget and Alyssa at Jollibee-Bicutan until the sun had set.

Ultimate weariness on a Friday, and this day is full-packed. I had good good vibes about Chemistry since morning and I was in awe when I learned that I passed my third exam! I even got to finish my draft for a creative non-fiction. Plus the fact that the fifth and last Math 53 exam was done and there’s nothing I could do but shout with relief. I went by CIEM tambayan before going home (because I just couldn’t resist it). I went home alone. I was tired and frustrated at Ayala so I went the longer route to FTI, passed by Signal Village and there I saw the things that had changed in the other side of our barangay. Oh well, the night had gave me body pains but at least the week’s already up!

Saturday and Sunday to come! I’m sure I’ll be fcked up even more! Stay strong, self! You still have two weeks before the stupid semester officially ends! Stay strong!

I try to think of the nearing end of the semester. I try to think of this latest week, March 5 to 9, that had swept by. Then I try to believe that I’m making the best things that a student can possibly do in times like this: to make every last moment memorable. Because when should I start creating pleasurable sem-ends, when I’m about to leave college? Hell no.

Monday was a nice start. After the relaxing two-hour make-up CW class, I got out of school immediately and headed straight to Glorietta to meet —- no, no, I’m speaking the wrong flow, I’m sorry. Monday this week was plain, I went to the CHK gym for some errand and got home and relax.

Tuesday was heavy. After my PE class, I chose not to attend any other because my body just can’t focus on anything except for being so deep in anxiety and my heart just can’t stop thumping really hard. It was my Final Interview. I didn’t quite expect the turn out of events but heaven knows that the odds were truly in my favor that day!

Wednesday pushed my luck. It was the first Wednesday in three months that I felt so stress-free. I felt really light. Then by the end of the day I went out with a few people for dinner. I was with my co-apps Louie and Karla, and we were with Kuya Jes, Harvie, Ate Ida, and Ate Mela. They were good companies and I totally had a good night at Friuli, and that was my first time to eat at that area of KNL.

Thursday was so far the best! Finally, the date that I and my buddy in AstroSoc had been put to reality. It was my first time in Techno Hub to be honest. We stayed at Yellow Cab for three hours, talking non-stop about the most random of things. When we got out it was near 9 in the evening and we still had a couple of minutes staying at the open area because I really had fun using her laser at pointing out those shimmering bodies at the sky. I was just so happy.

Friday was EOEA night. At first I was reluctant to attend but I ended up finishing the entire show. I could not put it clearly into words but I was surprisingly proud with the blue family. I arrived home past midnight, and I guess I’m quite used to Fridays going home late.

It was a nice week, anyone can admit. I can thank no one but the people around me. I can feel the bliss of college. I can feel it.

The only regret I could make perhaps is the zero photos at hand. I always believed that photos are tangible proofs of happiness. But I guess it’s because these days are going to happen again that’s why I need not to photograph them now.

I will have to leave early for the need to have a group review for the exam today. I certainly hate it whenever I need to go to school on a supposed-to-be rest day just for a scheduled examination. Nonetheless, I will have to go because I honestly haven’t mastered any yet. I just don’t know why I really hate Physics right now.

When I get home, I will surely post my late posts for the project 356. And probably, take real rest. And oh, I still have another exam for Math 53 tomorrow… I just need good vibes, you know that.

With a world full of discontentment, there are loads to rant about. Lots of complaints and dissatisfaction. And mine was no different, especially now that my highest hopes are gone.

Thankful was always my atmosphere because I have been believing that this semester was perfect and flawless. With all my subjects completely enlisted, which gave me no hard effort during the enrollment, and with all those nice professors I got, I never thought there would be dirt in my schedule.

The first hope that got out of the line was with my Creative Writing class. With my lovely and cheery female professor, I deemed that it will be a semester full of fun and learning. A course that would really have me take it as a break from my busy days. A subject that would somehow provide the smile and enjoyment that I need in order to keep my already fogging interest towards the Chem-Physics-Math days.

But just as when I am all the more eager for the said class, all the excitement had popped out when I learned that we had to have an alternate professor: a very old man who has his own principles towards writing. Words cannot express my flaming disappointment and boredom combined.

Another dilemma was with my Physics class which I do not want to elaborate further. It’s just that I no longer have the same sense of comfort whenever I attend my recit classes every Friday.

Last bit of hope that had fallen was about my Modern Jazz class. During the first meeting, all my hopes have disappeared and I even thought of dropping the subject. But eventually the same hope had rebuilt itself and hung itself back into the line, and so I am now again with full enthusiasm about the dance class.

And yes I know for a fact that more hopes are going to be falling. And yes I also do know for a fact that not a sem was made perfect. And yes I know that things will run for the best only if I allow them to be.

Since it has been 11-11-11 this day, I really think luck had poured the best in me this day.

Gino was telling us when we were on our way that their Chem 17 Lab professor decided to leave them and transfer to Chem 16, because we were short of profs. Because I had an impulse that his professor will be the one with us, I told him to tell me some description. And true enough, a chubby guy with glasses entered the room, and from Gino’s comments, it was really apparent that Sir Maxx was so cool and funny.

That’s very lucky, but there were more: the guy who was sitting beside me (which was the same not-talking guy who was sitting beside me the previous Chem Lab day) was already talking to me. Well, I was the one who befriended him, when I went out of the room to tell him that the professor was already there. But that luck is nothing compared to what happened when we were assigned with our lab partners. I knew before that we will have to choose our pair, and I was dreading it because I only knew two people in the room (well aside from that guy beside me): first is Pd who was my blockmate  last semester but he was with his two friends, and second is Xav who was a friend of my friend. I wished to be close with Xav, because she looked really kind and awesome (she looks like Kim Chiu, only prettier). And then, the lab partner choosing was decided to be randomly done. What a glad surprise because when I heard my name, I was paired with Xav. And that must be the reason why my silent hatred towards Chem suddenly disappeared.

Chemistry Lecture was next, and I took a seat beside Justin (the guy I was sitting with at Chem Lab) and it was a moment before I realized that the seating arrangement will be permanent from this day forward.

By Physics Lecture class, we were sitting at the topmost and centermost row, the most perfect position in that very large class, for me.

Then I took the overly wearying way to my Creative Writing class once again. I gained a friend: He was Wang Chu, a pure Bhutan who looked really Filipino, and who is a fifth-year Architecture student. Then the professor came and I don’t know if I would have to be happy or not. She was a stout but awesome-looking woman, some sort of a conyo type. I thought for some time that this CW 10 class will just have to be a trouble-free and easy and would only require less effort, but I was wrong. I think I would have to make my most effort in this subject; I wanted to impress her, and I wanted to get a really high grade for this, because she was telling the class that she rarely give really high grades. That first session was very fruitful for me. Though she was only telling us things, I was already learning a lot, with all her side stories and her advices. I really feel that I would be enjoying this class the most.

And there you are, a day filled with luck. I really think this semester will be the perfect one for me. I no longer hate any of the subjects. I suspect that I will have no reason to cut any of them, and that’s saying something. J

This had been the longest day I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Due to certain circumstances, I (with Kim and Gino) needed to go by my former high school the very first thing in the hot morning. And due to some unfortunate incidents, I was convinced that I will definitely be late for PE 2 Modern Jazz, and so I decided not to attend that first class, which was at 9.

From that school, we settled on going by Guadalupe, from which the travel felt like ages. We were in the train by 8:40. When we got off and lined up for the jeepney terminal, we were feeling alike: It seems like we had already spent the whole day together, but the day was yet to start.

Unbelievably, it was just 9:05 when we reached the entrance to UP, and so in a matter of seconds (and of course, sheer persuasion) they came to decide to escort me to my PE class. I was telling them that I was expecting a notice at the bulletin board saying that there’s no class for me, or some sort. But when we checked at the gym’s dance area, we saw a class which was already being dismissed. We waited for a girl who was from that corner of the gym and asked her; yes, we were right, it was my class. Though the girl had already briefly told me the requirements and stuffs, I still went to the woman who was alone in the dance area; she’s probably the instructor.

I approached her and asked whether it was the Modern Jazz class, she said yes. I don’t know what to ask further and so I told her if she could tell me the requirements. I saw her eyebrow rise, and asked me if I were late, with a tone of incredulity. I spoke an apologetic yes, and lied that it was because of traffic. Just when I thought that this woman was terrifying, she gave me a small sheet of paper, told me to read them, and gave me an index card to fill out. I submissively did everything as fast as I could, while she was interrogating me about the dances I’ve already had. And there, after thanking her, we left the gym.

Our next stop was the Shopping Center to print our grades, because we had to show them to our Physics Lecture class. And that’s the reason Kim and I were late for our Physics Lab. I thought the Professor (who was male) was stern, but I am quite sure I knew him, but forgot where I met him. And then when we went to introduce ourselves, I instantly remembered who he was. He told us that he was a member of the Astronomical Society, the org in which I attempted to apply, but deferred. Then a question had sprouted in my mind: What if I became a member of AstroSoc, of course I would have to call him Kuya Atchong, and then now, we were inside a room where he was the professor and I was the student. That must have been really awkward.

After an hour in Physics Lecture, and since I had no class after, we decided to take our lunch. After I ate with Krishen and Gino, we already set off to walk our way to the Math building: our last class!

I thought, like the day before, that no professor would come. But I was surprised to see a long-haired guy who was wearing a peculiar combination of clothing, but nonetheless very energetic and fun. The moment I spotted him (or her), a flashback entered my mind. He (or she) was that very first professor who I saw the first time I had entered the building, and that was around May vacation. A friend told me that this professor never wanted to be called Sir, neither Ma’am, preferring to be called Teacher.

After the semi-exhausting day, I went home with Krishen and Gino. We parted at Ayala because I will have to ride a Bicutan bus, and they will have to go to FTI. I waited for about an hour! Oh yes, night had already came and I was still there waiting with what it seems like millions of people. I was getting impatient, and worn out, and that’s when I heard the MMDA guy saying that a lot of buses were suspended. I was sarcastically lucky, because I don’t know what to do. Well, I was thinking if I could risk going to Taft Avenue and ride a jeep there, but I was pretty sure I would be lost in finding where the terminal was. I decided to ride an FTI fx, while I was really worried because I was short of fare going home. I contacted Cris Diane, telling her to fetch me by the terminal. With an effort of persuading her (and of course, the friendship mattered even more, Hahaha!), she finally agreed.

I arrived at home and checked the time; I had travelled for four hours! As I closed my eyes and prepare to sleep, I thanked God for the best of friends I got!

Just when I expected this first day to be just as cool and free and relaxing, well, I was immediately proven wrong.

I assumed for a while that all the efforts I had pulled off just to get an early morning wake-up was worth it, for I took my seat in my three-hour Chemistry Lab class just in time. But after a whole hour, my mood was changed abruptly; no professor had come to meet us. Kim and I resorted to just meet up with our friend, but we saw her rooted on her spot by the waiting shed. Then I knew there was something wrong.

But that “something wrong” was better not to be mentioned here (it is a girl thing!). And it took our whole morning to lend our hand for her, and by the time she was all right, it was my Chemistry Lecture class.

I fought the urge to cut this class (reasons were that I know no one in there, and that it’s just really tedious) and found myself sitting, and chilling, and listening to a professor whom I cannot see clearly because for some stupid reasons, I forgot to wear my glasses. But I did not enjoy the class, and that was nothing to do with my poor eye sight.

After a quick lunch, it was Physics Lecture time! What a surprise because I discovered that I will be in a very large class with two of my friends, but a bigger surprise is that I know almost twenty people among those 125 inside the room. That leaves us to the biggest surprise: our professor was Ms. Mikaela Fudolig, and the moment I heard the name, I knew that she was that UP student who was on the news years ago for being a Summa Cum Laude graduate at the age of 16!

 Then we had to half-walk half-run to my next class: we traveled a kilometer of ups and downs under the sun, then I needed to clamber up to the third floor of the next building, making me sweat like hell the second I had sat in my Creative Writing class. And you may guess why I left the room so pissed; no professor presented himself in front of us.

I was already grateful because finally, Math 53 class will be my last, and I’m with two of my friends yet again. No professor came as well, but even then, I was more than thankful that the day was finally —-

The day was not yet over! It was time for our little surprise for the birthday boy Kim Carlo. Not so much of preparation but it was still fun and worth the sight of happiness in the birthday boy’s face when he saw his special friend with us. After the cake has been blown, we then walked a mile (now that’s exaggerating, but quite the same with all our feet aching) and ate at Lutong Bahay (the Cappu Banana shake tasted really good).

All the same, it was really not yet the end of the day. I went home with Bridget and Alyssa and we chose to take a sort of an adventure and try to get off at the farthest MRT station. We surely knew that there was a jeepney terminal somewhere there, but we were not sure where. And so we trusted all our wild instincts (I don’t want to talk about the whole journey here).

This whole narrative of my first day was actually boring, so there, my first day which felt like a whole week for me!

They say one can infer what lies ahead just by looking through the beginnings. They say the initials are ought to mirror what is yet to uncover behind it…

Half of me was looking forward, half was dreading, to the imminent first day of classes, once more. Start of a fresher semester, start of something new. But as I set my foot at the threshold of the door bearing the name Second Semester AY 2011-2012, I could only hope for the best.

The clocked hit its first tick of the day, it was already November 9, yet my mind is still wide awake though my eyes are tightly shut. This was one of the nights when you yearn nothing but to fall asleep yet millions of thoughts keep knocking in your brain. This was one of the nights when you keep commanding all your senses to break free from working yet the more you do so, the more they tend to do the opposite. In other words, this was one of the nights when excitement fills the whole you, depriving you of sleep.

And when I wished humans never really had to sleep, I fell back to darkness. Next moment I knew, my eyelids are forced open because although I only had two hours of rest, I was required to brace myself and welcome a new day, despite the fact that it wasn’t welcome at all.

That was one of the few instants when I regret for choosing a school that was nearly two hours away from home. I vividly remember how I used to get up minutes before the time of my first class, unconcerned of traffic (and partly unconcerned of being late) because it only takes a 15-minute jeepney ride. Now, however, a great deal of matters had changed. I am always surprised to see myself leaving the house at an instance which normally was snoring time for me back then.

Then today was alike. It really was a typical November morning; the sky was vaguely dark and pretty breezy. It was putting a smile on my face, mainly because I recall the days when I leave this early only when I really had important affairs to address, but now I deem that it will be my daily feat.

But that welcoming aura was nothing compared to what was yet to happen that very first day in school.